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Be aware that words are only one part of the equation of what a person is communicating. Below are some common signals that you must tune into to really understand what the other person is saying. Please note that body language can easily be misinterpreted, so that the gestures discussed below may not be an accurate reflection of a person's true intent.
- Crossing and uncrossing arms signal boredom: arms folded across the chest often accompany indifference or dislike.
- Rubbing the head might be a sign that someone is peeved (or maybe just a bad case of head lice!); rubbing the ear with the thumb and forefinger could show lack of interest or doubt.
- Hands and arms: Whether on hips, fingers pointing, clenched fists, or rapid arm and hand movements can convey anger and hostility (flailing arm and hand movements might also be cultural, so the context is important!).
- Signs of nervousness include: fidgeting: fiddling with fingers, jewelry, or clothing; excessive blinking or darting eyes back and forth; and sucking, chewing, biting or licking lips.
- Touching the neck while speaking can be a sign of deception or dishonesty.
- Foot twitching or tapping can be a sign of impatience as well as someone trying to conceal an attitude or information. When we try really hard not to show emotions in our faces, our energy can get pushed down and activate our feet. If you see a poker face, look under the table and check out their feet!
- People who are having difficulty making a decision might open and shut their hands repeatedly.
- Rocking back and forth is sometimes viewed as a sign of impatience or anxiousness to leave. This creates discomfort in others and distracts them from their focus, since it's challenging to carry on a conversation with a rocking horse!
- Picking at clothing, as if removing lint, signals opposition or disagreement.
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SOFTEN Your Image to Make Yourself More Approachable, Likeable and Trustworthy
Since a large part of how people percieve you is through your body language, here is a simple formula to follow to enhance your image
S - Smile - it builds rapport, helps to connect
O -Open - be open with your gestures
F - Focus - pay attention who you are talking to
T - Territory - Don't get closer than 14 inches
E - Eye Contact - Keep eye contact for 3-5 seconds
N - Nod to show you are paying attention
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10 Good Reasons to Stop Grumbling and Groaning
- Makes people want to avoid you
- Destroys respect people may have for you otherwise
- Pollutes the atmosphere
- Creates negative programming in your brain
- Attracts negative people (misery loves company)
- Makes you feel worse and brings down others around you
- Increases your stress level
- Reinforces negative energy
- Gives power to problemss rather than solutions
- Drains you of your productive energy
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Tips for handling Know-It-Alls
-Give credit to them when they're right, but resist the temptation to rub it in when they're wrong.
- Don't discredit, discount or disagree. Validate their ideas first and then introduce your own.
- If they deliver information with a surly tone, tell them that while their advice is instructive their tone is a turn off.
- If you should be a receipient of their favorite line, "I told you so!" respond that such a statement isn't productive, focusing on the consequences of such a comment.
- If you have concerns about the validity of what they say, ask probing questions as well as verifying their information to keep them on their toes. Ask "what if" questions to put their logic to the test. Have them play out worst-case scenarios as a way of checking the legitimacy of their suggestions.
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How's Your Communication IQ?
Take the following test yourself, then ask two people you know well to rate you on the same statements. Rate yourself on a scale of 1 to 5 on the statements below:
1 - never
2- Almost never
3- Sometimes
4- Almost always
5 -Always
Do you ...
· Give people your full attention when they speak?
· Project genuine interest in conversations?
· Maintain a good balance between speaking and listening?
· Avoid giving advice before you're asked?
· Wait until someone finishes talking before speaking?
· Maintain good eye and face contact?
· Ask open-ended questions to encourage others to talk?
· Respond to others by communicating in a positive way?
· Ask about the meaning of any unfamiliar words, phrases, or jargon?
· Restate instructions or expectations to be sure you understand them correctly?
· Withold all opinions about what's being said until you have all the information?
· Note the speaker's expressions, gestures, and tone for the intended meaning?
· Make mental notes to help you remember the main points?
· Try to see the situation from the speaker's perspective when you disagree?
· Focus on listening even when you disagree?
· View conflicts as opportunities to the issues better?
· Allow people to vent their feelings and concerns?
· Provide supportive and constructive feedback when others speak?
_ Seek to negotiate mutually satisfying solutions when disputes arise?
Scores:
90-100: You've got an excellent communication IQ!
80-89: You're using some excellent communication skills. You're tuning in to the main ideas, but you may be missing important messages and distracted at times
70-79: Listening is music to other peoples' ears! Explore more ways to connect to the interests of others.
69 and under: Tune in and listen up! You're likely to be frustrated by a disproportionate share of miscommunications. Recognize that listening is a skill and concentrate on developing it daily